If there is one thing in this world that is pretty fucking sweet, it’s being a pirate. Sailing the seven seas, looting and pillaging, hoarding booty and generally being a badass – all verbs that one could respectfully claim validation from during participation.
I don’t really understand all the pirate hate. Pirates are waaayyy better than ninjas.
As exciting as it is, moving offices is always a bit of a crap shoot. On one hand, you could end up in something that looks like a cross between a casino and Google head office (read: baller). However, sometimes the dice comes up snake eyes, and bam! You are wedged up against the wall, half your shit is missing, and the whole office can see what you are looking at on your monitors when you should be working.
Guess which situation I am in?
Waiting for trains is boring.
So boring, in fact, that, coupled with my innate Gen X/Y/whatever fear of sitting silently doing nothing, I start to go slowly mad waiting as little as 5 minutes without something to occupy my shallow, fleeting thoughts.
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End of day 3.
Three days.
Three whole days of eating nothing but fucking fruit and chain smoking ciggies. And some dude at work brings a BBQed chicken in for lunch!
Fuck this shit. Going for a burger.
Peace out.
Over the years, I have parted ways with many things – friends, family, girlfriends, cigarettes, junk food – but for as long as I can remember, coffee has been the one constant in my life.
It’s funny how, as I am in this crazy fucking detox thing, I was quite happy to give up things I would never thought I would give up, even for a few days – bread, for instance. Bread is awesome. It’s doughy, (sometimes) white, and lets face it, EVERYTHING is better in sandwich form.
But no, quite happy to leave off the bread (pun intended).
Hmm. This could be harder than I thought.
HEAPS hungry – who knew I ate so much during a day? At least I have coffee.
Hmmm, maybe a coffee blog post would distract me. Stay tuned.
So. One whole day of detox. I feel kinda lighter, more refreshed. A bit hungry, but not unbearable. Not going to the gym, mainly because I have started smoking like a chimney for some reason.
Oh well, I’ll try to lay off them tomorrow.
So yeah, I’m basically 30, and things aren’t exactly in tip top shape. To be honest, I’m surprised that my liver and other essential organs aren’t shriveled up into little black nodules, held together with a mass of dried capillaries and congealed lumps of cholesterol. So I hear about this fruit detox diet from somebody, and I figure, why the fuck not. I’ve stacked on a few kilos after getting into a heated argument with the pavement coming off a motorbike at stupid speeds, and this might give me a little boost. My organs could probably use a bit of a shine, or, at least a small breather. After all, I’m not technically dead yet, I might need em some day, so I’d better do something nice for them every once and a while.
So, here’s the plan – eat fruit – a fuckton of it, and ONLY fruit, for a week. Then I can get back to killing myself with pizza and beer.
Welp, here goes.
In the 80s, film directors knew how to make a good movie – grab some guy that can bench press a small utility vehicle, give him a enough guns and explosives to outfit an army, throw a whole heap of vaguely foreign looking people at him, and watch the blood fly. Add in some tits, maybe some ninjas, and a super bad ass villain, and you have a blockbuster hit on your hands.
All was right with the world.
There was a time when I avidly followed all things Alternative – A belligerent teenage pseudo-punk, smoking, drinking, cutting school, and generally making a right nuisance of myself. As the years progressed, my stalwart dedication to the tenets of being a belligerent little dipshit waned, as did my interest in music largely consisting of loud men screaming over distorted guitars. However, I never fully lost the occasional urge to get really hammered and bang my head to some heavy fucking music while downing every spirit in a three kilometre radius.
However, amongst all my Pennywise, Rage against the Machine, and NOFX, I somehow didnt really get in to System of a Down.