Yesterday, we suggested a way we could stimulate the economy by legalising burnouts in our suburbs. While this would be a good start, we feel that we can add more value by incorporating some vertical integration up in this bitch*.

Not Shown - Vertical Integration

Since the majority of burnouts are done within the car parks of fast food chains, there is tremendous potential for growth within the retail space.#

2. Subsidising the Maccas Run

Waltzing Matilda, ANZAC day, Maccas runs – three great Aussie traditions from which our country derives its sense of identity and makes us the nation we are today. After all, where would we be without the lyrical stylings of Banjo Patterson, or the bravery shown by the diggers at Gallipoli, or drunkenly stumbling down to our local Maccas at 3am after a night on the piss to get a quadruple Big Mac with extra pickles?

We would be New Zealand, that’s what we would be!

…Well, except for the Gallipoli part, they were there as well. (They probably have Maccas runs, too, now that I think about it).

The first Aussie Maccas run

Anyway, I posit to the powers that be that the government should subsidise bulk or unusual purchases at McDonalds and other fast food chains between the hours of 10pm and 6am on Weekends. This would encourage more people to spend money on less traditional (and high fat) burger creations, possibly while watching burnouts in the carpark.

Maccas - open 24 hours

The benefits are numerous -

• More money in the local economy – People spending more in local food chains stimulate local job growth and production (heh, “stimulate”)

• Benefits to our domestic auto market – have you ever tried to WALK to Maccas? fuck that. Besides, bitches know you can only do hellies in a Ford or Holden, otherwise you are fucking un-Australian

• Boost to our ailing health care industry - apart from non-essential pharmaceuticals (antacids & Panadol from eating too much junk and drinking too much beer), we are creating jobs in the nursing industry (who is going to look after all these lardarses?) and other healthcare professionals.

• Primary production growth – more burgers sold means more cows sold, more veggies, and more of whatever the fuck is in the mac sauce sold.

• More people watching burnouts – which means a bigger audience, and more people likely to perform said burnouts – see previous post

• Encouraging local art & culture – anyone that has seen a Double BBQ Macsauce Quarter Pounder with extra bacon can’t tell me that it’s not art!

So, for these reasons and more, I reckon this needs to happen.

….

I’m off for a burger.

* Finance talk for either taking advantage of associated opportunities, or boning, I forget which

# Finance speak for getting wood while shopping

Tags: Finance, gfc, gub'ment