Coffee.

January 20th, 2010

Over the years, I have parted ways with many things – friends, family, girlfriends, cigarettes, junk food – but for as long as I can remember, coffee has been the one constant in my life.

It’s funny how, as I am in this crazy fucking detox thing, I was quite happy to give up things I would never thought I would give up, even for a few days – bread, for instance. Bread is awesome. It’s doughy, (sometimes) white, and lets face it, EVERYTHING is better in sandwich form.

But no, quite happy to leave off the bread (pun intended).

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Detox: day 2

January 20th, 2010

Hmm. This could be harder than I thought.

HEAPS hungry – who knew I ate so much during a day? At least I have coffee.

Hmmm, maybe a coffee blog post would distract me. Stay tuned.

Detox: day 1

January 19th, 2010

So. One whole day of detox. I feel kinda lighter, more refreshed. A bit hungry, but not unbearable. Not going to the gym, mainly because I have started smoking like a chimney for some reason.

Oh well, I’ll try to lay off them tomorrow.

Detox: the plan

January 18th, 2010

So yeah, I’m basically 30, and things aren’t exactly in tip top shape. To be honest, I’m surprised that my liver and other essential organs aren’t shriveled up into little black nodules, held together with a mass of dried capillaries and congealed lumps of cholesterol. So I hear about this fruit detox diet from somebody, and I figure, why the fuck not. I’ve stacked on a few kilos after getting into a heated argument with the pavement coming off a motorbike at stupid speeds, and this might give me a little boost. My organs could probably use a bit of a shine, or, at least a small breather. After all, I’m not technically dead yet, I might need em some day, so I’d better do something nice for them every once and a while.

So, here’s the plan – eat fruit – a fuckton of it, and ONLY fruit, for a week. Then I can get back to killing myself with pizza and beer.

Welp, here goes.

Stallone reads Santa’s mail

January 8th, 2010

In the 80s, film directors knew how to make a good movie – grab some guy that can bench press a small utility vehicle, give him a enough guns and explosives to outfit an army, throw a whole heap of vaguely foreign looking people at him, and watch the blood fly. Add in some tits, maybe some ninjas, and a super bad ass villain, and you have a blockbuster hit on your hands.

All was right with the world.

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Tom Selleck has a high voice

December 28th, 2009

The late afternoon sun drenches the surface of the water to the sound of waves crashing against the pristine surf. Tropical birds trill out a complex harmony, almost as a counterpoint to the steady, gentle splashes made by a young Hawaiian woman, as she idly swims through the surf. Suddenly, a long, well proportioned form surges out of the surf next to her. The column of spray reveals a giant of a man, over two metres tall, with a great mane of shaggy brown curls and the most ridiculous pair of tight, blue shorts seen this side of Boogie Nights.

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Toxicity is fucking good

December 22nd, 2009

There was a time when I avidly followed all things Alternative – A belligerent teenage pseudo-punk, smoking, drinking, cutting school, and generally making a right nuisance of myself. As the years progressed, my stalwart dedication to the tenets of being a belligerent little dipshit waned, as did my interest in music largely consisting of loud men screaming over distorted guitars. However, I never fully lost the occasional urge to get really hammered and bang my head to some heavy fucking music while downing every spirit in a three kilometre radius.

However, amongst all my Pennywise, Rage against the Machine, and NOFX, I somehow didnt really get in to System of a Down.

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Please take a seat

December 21st, 2009

dali-clock-500x500Why is it that time always seems to go backwards when you are waiting?

It seems like forever has passed since I was staring at my Windows clock, eyes watering as the numbers slowly morph – a five slowly coalesces into a six, the colon separating the hours from the minutes; beating a slow, ponderous rhythm akin to the lethargic beating heart of a blue whale with cardiac arrhythmia.

I distinctly remember willing the clock to just fucking hurry up and be 6 already so I can leave this hellhole! Finally, after hitting refresh on my browser a couple of million times, I shook off the self-induced Repetitive Strain Injury on my mouse-clicking finger and proceeded to get the fuck out of dodge.

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Knockouts of Wipeout

December 21st, 2009

cebaa8fbdb09547dd7edb77bb4d827ed_resizedFor those of you who watch the same sort of inane shit that I do would have noticed that Wipeout Australia debuted last night.

My roommate and I instantly and derisively snorted at the audacity of Australian TV, hoping to replicate the comedic genius of John Hensen and John Anderson. How DARE they!?!

But, in all honesty, it was okay. I laughed occasionally, and its nice to know that there are as many dumb, fat tools in Australia as there are in the states.

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I can post from my iPhone nao

December 20th, 2009

iphone7 copy

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any easier to regurgitate the sum total of your inane, malformed, fleeting little nuggets of random shit you feel the need to share with the world, along comes the wordpress app for iPhone.

Not merely content with assisting you in your daily life with such treasures as an app that can tell you when you next train is coming, the iPhone will now remove much of the inconveniences associated with random blogging.

But is this a good idea?
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